Continuing on from last Friday. This is part two of “End of the Line”. If you missed part one, you can read it Here.
The train crept closer. This time, she held her nerve, grateful for the taste of alcohol on her tongue.
Sixty feet away. Cassie breathed in and out and in again. Fifty feet. The driver could see her now, but it was too late to stop. Even if he pulled on the brakes. Too late for the train, but not for her.
Cassie clenched her fists, aware of her shaking legs and flight response kicking in. No, she wouldn’t cave, not tonight.
“Hurry up,” she said, her wide eyes filling with tears as it hurtled on toward her.
She couldn’t go back to her empty life. The first bout of depression hit her smack in the middle of her final year of school. Anti-depressants had been prescribed, and they’d been useless. Eighteen months of horror had enveloped her, but she’d recovered, slowly, and gone on to college.
The driver honked, and Cassie almost felt sorry for him, almost. But her own grief filled her. She did hope he wouldn’t blame himself, but she had no space to worry about anyone else.
The second attack happened during her post grad. She ended up taking an overdose. Her flatmate found her in time, and the doctors changed her medication. She’d recovered again, but this time it was so much worse. She could barely function at work, and her buddies had given up calling on her. She didn’t blame them; she’d been a crappy friend, and daughter for that matter.
Forty feet, thirty, twenty five. Her breath hitched, and adrenaline pumped through her. Cassie had never felt as alive as she did now.
Twenty feet. The horn blared, assaulting her ears with its offensive sound. Fifteen feet.
And then she panicked, leaping to the side and rolling into the grass by the tracks, away from the danger of the slithering, black carriages. Stumbling to her knees, her back to the passing train, Cassie cried out. The noise was lost to the thunk thunk thunk behind her. And then there was silence.
Cassie screamed, long and loud. Not that anyone could hear her. She was a mile from the nearest house. I’m such a loser, she thought. I can’t get anything right. Her body shook with the force of her sobs. When she’d spent all her tears, she dragged herself to her feet and began the trek home to her dingy flat and shitty life.
As she fell into bed forty minutes later, Cassie smiled bitterly and thought, third time’s the charm.
TGIF 🙂
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Emma's Ramblings on Supernatural Fiction 
Wow, what could make someone this depressed???
It’s Depression. Often there isn’t one particular reason to account for it.
::giggling:: I found your TGIF to be so jarringly opposite to your story, that it surprised a laugh out of me.
This woman seems so lost! It’s heartbreaking. Really…. I keep hoping she finds her “Moments” moment. (Moments is a reference to a song by Emerson Drive)
I laughed myself. Perhaps I should edit and remove the smiley face!
Thanks for reading, Kitt. I’m going to open up a new tab now and listen to “Moments”.
Let me know what you think… It’s all about hope lost and found (and angels).
So sad. Gripping and riveting too. Her depression is overwhelming and the last sentence kicks butt.
I’m exhausted reading it!
Thank you, Mae.
It’s so sad, but so good at the same time! Great writing Emma!
Cheers, L.J.
So sad she can’t use her determination in life. So set on dying. She should rethink the third time. Great writing Emma.
The third time will be quite a surprise for her. Thanks for stopping by, Laura.
I know:) I’m not gonna tell!!!
This chic needs serious help. This would be cool if she wakes up and realizes that she was hit by the train and she is dead 🙂
Keep reading 🙂
Some people are able to overcome depression, although it’s always waiting in the background to pounce at any given time, and some just don’t – not even with meds. You’re quite right, Emma. There isn’t any one particular thing that triggers this. I should know. For those who don’t understand depression, it’s hard for them to relate. Some people may think it’s silly and one should just get over it. Easier said than done.
I’ve now read both part 1 and 2, and can I say how chilling it is? Great writing! I look forward to reading all your stories.
Hope you’ve had a super weekend. 🙂
I think everybody knows someone who has suffered from Depression but perhaps doesn’t understand it. It’s a terrible illness and very difficult to understand unless you have experienced it yourself or at the very least witnessed a family member or friend go through it.
Thanks for commenting, Sandra. I gave this story to beta readers and they wanted me to give a reason for her being this way, wondering had she lost her job or been in a terrible breakup, and I had to just say no. Cassie hasn’t had any one major event set this off.
Too true. It really is a terrible illness, and the amount of accumulative ‘stuff’ our brains gather proves to be a scary reality when it eventually bubbles to the surface, especially when it’s completely unexpected.
I really like the fact that you didn’t pinpoint one exact thing where Cassie is concerned, because depression is depression, no matter what sets it off.
You’re welcome, Emma. 🙂
Thanks again, Sandra.
I completely agree with your decision not to give a reason. Because there doesn’t have to be a reason and in a lot of cases, there isn’t one!! Depression doesn’t discriminate, neither should people, but unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to it, although I think things are improving somewhat, which is good…. Love the story Emma, even though it really scared me, because it’s so realistic & true. I hope the third time isn’t a charm for Cassie, I didn’t want her to even consider a third time, but I suppose that wouldn’t be realistic if she’s attempted it before. I hope she gets better though & doesn’t try it again!!! 😀 Love the TGIF……LOL
Cheers, Laura. The stigma isn’t as bad as it once was, but there is a lot of room for improvement.
I’m going to leave the TGIF 🙂
Dark. I loved it 🙂 Although it did remind me of the recent tragedy and the girl who committed suicide by jumping under a train. But I think these emotions are important for us to understand. It’s awful when people get to that state and the better we can understand them, the greater a chance we stand of saving them. Great job, Emma!
Was that in the US? I hadn’t heard about that. Thanks, Margaret. It’s a taboo subject for a lot of people but I think it’s better discussed out in the open.
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